Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
