rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
