You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
