Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize