I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
