Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
