Is it because I queefed?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
