new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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