I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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