I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
