Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.

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(813): View more from Florida

there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?

(1-502): View more from Kentucky

eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

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(773): View more from Illinois

How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?

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(434): View more from Virginia

Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.

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(517): View more from Michigan

She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...

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(206): View more from Washington

I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!

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(917): View more from New York City

she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"

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