So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
