I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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