Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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