my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
