The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
