Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
