thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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