I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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