Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
