He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize