I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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