am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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