I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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