"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
