She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
