the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I love you. Go after that dick
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize