I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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