I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
