I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
