Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
