If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize