i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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