I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
People in love make me want to vomit
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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