We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
