he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
