Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize
