dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
