Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
