Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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