exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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