It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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