I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
