Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
