She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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