Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can tuck mytits in my pants
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
