I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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