why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
