Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
