I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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