So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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