i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
