If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
worst night to have a conscience
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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