Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
