So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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