I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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