the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
