the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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