Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
