So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
