I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
