I hate all girls vehemently.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize