I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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