Can i not drive my cunt home
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize