We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
