What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
